This month’s guest blog is written by Amy Szott of Poppy’s Funerals
At Poppy’s, we’re known for having open conversations about death, dying and funerals. Ever since we were founded by Poppy Mardall in 2012, we’ve been passionate about bringing funerals out from behind closed doors.
But why do we think everyone should be talking about death more? Here are five good reasons.
It helps tackle the stigma around death and dying
It happens to us all – but death is so rarely discussed in a way that is helpful and non-sensationalised. When it is talked about, people often try to avoid saying the words themselves, instead saying someone ‘passed away’ or ‘is no longer with us’. This can make it harder, and lonelier, to deal with death when you’re confronted by it. When we talk openly and honestly about death, we create space for other people to talk if they want or need to.
It can be helpful to keep in mind that there’s no ‘right’ way to talk about death. If you’re unsure, try sharing your own thoughts and feelings. It might help others to feel that it's ok to open up. Then, perhaps you can follow up with something gentle, like, “That’s how I’m feeling about things today; how about you?”It allows us to challenge unhelpful language
At Poppy’s, we are very particular about the language we use. There are some words that are commonly used to talk about death which, when you stop and think about them, are outdated, unhelpful and even dehumanising. For instance, rather than saying ‘the deceased’, we refer to every person in our care by their name, just as we would in life. When people come to spend time with their person in our peaceful Friends and Family room, we call it a ‘visit’, not a ‘viewing’. And when we bring a person who has died into our care, we call this a ‘collection’, not a ‘removal’.It allows us to be more prepared
Talking about death can help us to be more prepared when someone dies – particularly in the event of an anticipated death. This goes for practical things, like knowing where your person’s important documents are, and the emotional side – have you said everything you need to say to that person?
A top tip from the Poppy’s team: a lot of information is now held digitally. If you’re going to be responsible for someone’s funeral arrangements when they die, you might ask them to give you access to their phone or computer login details, so you have them if you need them. If the person’s phone is set to unlock from their fingerprint, you could also get their permission to change this over to a passcode to allow others to access the phone.It can help us to organise the funeral that we want and need
So often, our clients come to us with questions they’ve never felt they could ask before – like, ”Can we keep our person at home for a night after they’ve died?”, or, ”My nan hated flowers – do we have to have them at the funeral?”
The more we talk about death and funerals, the more we feel empowered to choose the kind of funeral that is right for us and the person who has died.
Poppy’s offers free consultations to help you think about your own funeral wishes
We’ve found that, given the opportunity, people appreciate being able to think through their funeral options. Our free, 45-minute consultations – called My Funeral Wishes - can be a source of reassurance to those who will be planning your funeral in the event of your death, by giving them a better idea of your wishes. You can have a consultation with us in our office, on the phone or online.
A funeral wishes consultation could include discussing the cost of different options. A funeral may be one of the most expensive outlays you’ll ever make, so we work with clients to help them start with what mattered most to the person who has died – and what matters most to those organising the funeral.
We can work with family members and friends to explore less expensive, but still high-quality options if that’s what they want. For example, choosing flowers from their garden, rather than buying floral arrangements, can be more meaningful and personal, as well as reducing overall costs.
A My Funeral Wishes consultation is not the same as a prepaid funeral plan, which is a way of paying for a funeral in advance.
Funeral plans are regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority
A pre-paid funeral plan is a way of putting financial provision in place for your funeral in advance. We offer pre-paid funeral plans to ensure your funeral wishes are recorded and secured.
Talking about death is not always easy…
… but it can help us make the most of our lives. And, when we’re faced with arranging a funeral, it can also allow us to plan the kind of funeral that we want and need.
Just as important, all of these individual conversations are powerful because they can help change our society’s attitude to death, transforming it from a topic to be feared and avoided to one to be faced with kindness, honesty and compassion.
About Poppy’s
Poppy's is a funeral directors, based in London, with a fresh approach to funerals. Instead of following rigid traditions, we listen to what you want and need. Instead of hiding behind closed doors, we’re open about how we care for the living and the dead. At Poppy's, we’re by your side every step of the way.
To talk to the team at Poppy’s about organising a funeral, or to book a My Funeral Wishes Consultation, call 020 3589 4726 or email them at hello@poppysfunerals.co.uk.